Every single person on this earth has been affected by negative voices at some point in their life. For some, it might be a long-term struggle.
You know what I’m talking about. There is always someone who has opinions over what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, and he makes sure he’s heard. I’ve come across negative people throughout my adult life, colleagues, friends, or even family who should be very supportive of me.
I used to get annoyed or upset when I heard their negative comments because they hurt my feelings. These voices created doubts in my head and they were holding me back from my goals.
After years of self-development, recognition, and growth, I’ve understood the reasons behind those negative voices and the best ways to interpret them.
Negative voices have no leverage in holding you back.
The only person allows that to happen is, yes, YOU!
It sounds cliché, but it’s true. Think about it. On a good day, nothing seems to matter and no negativity seems to upset you. However, when you’re already having a bad day, a little sarcastic joke could make you cry! Can you relate? It’s our choice to interpret negative messages in a more positive way.
Yes, it is easier said that done, and it will take some time and practice. It’s like developing a new habit, the more you practice, the easier it will get, and eventually, it will become second nature. Think about the last healthy habit you developed, I bet it seemed challenging or even impossible at the beginning, but it was totally worth it at the end when you achieved it, right?
It’s unhealthy to feel these negative emotions over a long period of time. They affect our confidence and self-esteem, interfere with our physical health, hold us back from achieving goals, and eventually, we live an unsatisfying and unhappy life.
Surely no one wants that, but why so many people still choose to live like that? The answer is simple - it’s more familiar. Making changes is scary, and more often than not it puts us out of our comfort zone. Sometimes it also means that we have to stand up for our beliefs, which could then lead to conflicts with people around us.
This comes down to how much we care about ourselves.
YOU deserve to be happy, and no one else holds the rights to your happiness.
So, let’s move on to discuss three types of negative voices and how to respond to them.
Negative Voice #1
These people generally care about you, and they are worried about your choices. They’re usually your close friends and family within this group, and they’re not afraid to be honest with you.
How to deal with:
Be understanding and recognize their intentions, when you have the awareness, it’s a lot easier not to be offended. Sometimes they offer a valid point, and there’s no harm taking it into consideration.
What to say:
Tell them (with a smile) that you appreciate their concerns, you’re very happy with your decision, and you’re doing what you believe is right for you. This way, they’ll feel like you’ve listened and they’ve done their job! You might have to repeat this a few more times if they’re quite persistent about it.
Negative Voice #2
These people care about you, but they are also fearful of your success. This could be your best friend or even your partner, who has been through ups and downs with you. One day, you’ve decided to change direction with your life or career, and he or she might not be comfortable with that because they’re not on this journey with you. They might be fearful of being left behind, or they no longer play an important part in your life.
How to deal with:
Empathize - put yourself in their shoes and validate their feelings. Share the details of your plan with them, so they feel like you still care about their existence.
What to say:
Let them know that you appreciate their concerns, and reassure them that nothing is going to change your relationship with them. Success will only bring more joy into your life, and you’ll share your happiness with them. You might need to do this indirectly over a period of time because it’s unlikely they’re going to admit their fear.
Negative Voice #3
These people are usually quite self-centered and don’t care much about you. They can’t control themselves and know exactly what to say to upset you. Why would they do that? Mostly, it’s because of jealousy. In the past I often asked myself why they would be jealous of me, they have more than I do?
Jealousy is a natural emotion. Some people are aware of it and try to manage it, while others are not aware of it and spread it around like an ugly virus. I believe one of the main reasons for people to be constantly envious and jealous of others, is because they’re not happy with what they have. Something is missing in their life, and they don’t know what it is. Sometimes that “something” could simply be gratitude. It might seem like they have everything because they keep telling everybody or projecting their “perfect” life loudly on social media, but the truth is, they don’t have everything they desire.
How to deal with:
Sympathize with their unhappiness in life, understand that it’s their problem and not yours to deal with. Keep your distance and carry on.
What to say:
Stay friendly and relaxed about their comments, and say, “I understand what you’re saying, and appreciate your concerns. I’m very excited about this, and I’m going to do it well.”
Remember, these people don’t really care about you, so it’s not necessary to convince them or share the details with them. You don’t need their approval.
Beyond these three types of negative voices, there’s little need to converse. You can’t change people’s opinions easily, why not use your energy on something more important.
To be able to deal with negative voices, it starts with “YOU”.
Be happy with your goals and decisions
If you’re not happy with them, change them.
Don’t compare your life with others
We all come from different backgrounds and have different skill sets, so start with what we already have. Other people’s success always seems to happen overnight, but the truth is, most of the time you have no idea the pain they’ve gone through to get there.
Listen to your own voice and keep your eyes on my own path
When you’re too busy listening to others, you’ve taken the focus off your goal.
Have a big heart and be kind enough to celebrate other people’s success.
Fill your heart with contentment, love, and kindness, instead of resentment, hate, and bitterness.
Hope this has served you well, have a joyful day.
Ivy x
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